A tiger's reminder.

From time to time (like right now), I have to re-remind (remix?) myself what the purpose of this year’s blog actually is.  It’s not like last year, when I had a pretty clear-cut objective and motivation for a blog- a place to conveniently share my new stories and experiences from half-way across the world as they were happening, to my loved ones who couldn’t be there to relate.  It made me feel closer to the ones I was so far away from, and it was a beautiful and honest form of therapy for me.

This year, I feel like I’ve become more of an introvert than I ever have in my life.  This one comment, although it sort of came off as conceited when I first read it,  actually has some truth to how I’ve felt this year: “Introverts are less likely to seek stimulation from others because their own thoughts and imagination are stimulating enough.”

Last year was the beginning of this wonderful trend of giving my full attention to my past memories as they sprang up into the present.  After Andy’s death, I felt like I was finally comfortable and at peace with all of my life’s regrets and issues, and my decision to start living 100% honestly activated the opening of my memory’s flood-gates.  Ever since then, I’ve been going on wild rides of long thought processes/associations, that eventually trigger all of these long-forgotten memories without any resistance.  I’m completely infatuated with the unfolding of all these old, well-buried thoughts that my brain is storing, as if I have this exciting, never-ending treasure hunt to work on, everywhere I go.

I’ve been writing in my little red notebook a lot this year, and so I sadly often forget to record my most meaningful (and current) moments as they happen on this blog, forgetting that my notebook doesn’t have an automatic upload-to-internet function like some iPhone app.  I’m also sure it has a lot to do with no longer having a big audience to entertain in the blogosphere.

But, I guess I’m a sucker for acting on “special occasions” and translating arbitrary events/dates as reasons to reflect more intensely and take action.  Maybe I’m just human and I constantly need to be “reminded” in order to be efficient.  But, on this first new day of the lunar new year (no… I wasn’t about to refer to V-day…), I suddenly find new inspiration to articulate my life’s adventures this year.  As a friend once wrote about the purpose of a blog, I would like this blog to be “ultimately an exercise of self-expression, self-exploration, self-history, and self-discovery.”  I guess I just need an alarm clock every now and then.

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~ by Hy Huynh on February 14, 2010.